Make Decisions for You
My experiences with anxiety and depression began around the age of fifteen. There were multiple factors that I feel contributed to my mental illnesses, but I will be talking about one major one. My overall advice for anyone reading, or those who also struggle with similar issues, is to do what is best for you, not what you feel others think is best for you. Ever since the age of three, dance had been a huge part of my life. My sophomore year of high school I made our school's varsity dance team. This is where dance changed from something that lifted me up and boosted my spirits to something that caused great insecurity and self doubt. I was a weak link on my team and personally targeted by my dance coach. She criticized me, not just as a dancer but as a person. I dreading going to practice every single day, wishing the school day wouldn't end. I would walk into the gym shaking, often with tears in my eyes. I saw myself as a complete failure because I wasn't able to perform the way that was expected of me. It was about half way through the six month season when I decided I would finish out that year, but not return to the team afterwards. Many people encouraged me to stay on the team, saying I had improved and the next year would be better. But, keeping my best interest in mind, I felt the team had become an extremely toxic place for me that hurt my mental state severely. I made a point to do what was going to be best for myself, and not others. This was hard as I felt I was letting those around me down, being that I always want to please others. Looking back this was a great decision as I removed an extremely negative aspect from my life. From this I was able to make more time for the things that lifted me, such as friends, family, music, and church. I dealt with a great amount of shame for leaving the team but I couldn't continue dealing with the toxicity. I don't say this to put down sports teams or to encourage those to give up on things that are tough. But, if there is an aspect of your life that is bringing you down, not lifting you up, do what you feel is best for yourself. Take away others' opinions, judgements and thoughts, and focus on your own.
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