Have you ever felt like you’ve just been going through the motions of recovery? Sure, you haven’t relapsed, but you still don’t feel “fully healed.” You made it through the bulk of recovery, but there are still aspects of your disorder lingering in the background. Aspects that you want gone, but haven’t tried too terribly hard to let go of. If your anything like me, sometimes I feel like I’m coasting in recovery.
My treatment began years ago at the beginning of high school––I spent countless hours with therapists, psychiatrists, dieticians, and physicians and made many improvements over the next year or two. Fast forward to now, I feel SO much better mentally, physically and emotionally (don’t get me wrong!), but my obsessive compulsiveness and eating disorder haven’t completely vanished and I don’t know if they ever will.
This summer, I’d had enough of just coasting through recovery and felt the urge to challenge myself. I practiced ordering French fries every once and awhile instead of always picking the “healthier” side option. I started to opt for walks instead of grueling work outs on days when my body needed extra rest. I started honoring my hunger cues more honestly, sometimes having two breakfasts or another helping at dinner. Although these may seem like little, hardly significant changes, they have been so incredibly empowering. They were just what I needed to reestablish that I am in control of my life, not my eating disorder.
So, if you feel a force compelling you to make some changes, face some fears, and grow––listen. You may be just as amazed as me with the result.