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What’s perfection? Who is perfect? What does it mean to be perfect? And, why does perfection leave me inherently disappointed? These questions I’ll be attempting to address throughout this blog post as this time of the semester and the year, with everyone comparing themselves to each other. The most “wonderful time of the year,” is also the time of year with grades coming out and the holiday season where your “favorite” uncle asking why you haven’t accomplished the X, Y, Z thing that your cousin has.
Living in a world where we’re constantly bombarded with images of the perfect life on social media and the constant price of comparison has left me with a taste of dissatisfaction in my mouth. When I’m bored, or let’s be honest, when I’m avoiding awkward elevator conversation, I scroll through Instagram and Facebook. There I find myself comparing my life to people that I barely know anymore and wondering ‘Why can’t I have what they do?’ “Why aren’t I good enough to be like them?” Then, I’m back into my typical spiral: Thinking about the regrets I have in life, how I could have been like ______ or had ____ if only _____, and eventually I tire myself out or snuggle up to the bag of Oreo’s I keep for my monthly (okay, weekly) breakdown. What if I told you that I’ve found a way to slow down the spiral? All I do is say to myself, “Perfectionism is the highest form of self-abuse,” and I pause. Let that sink in. Repeat. I then remember that I’m abusing myself by constantly comparing myself to others for being what I perceive to be perfect. Our society has found a way to make insecurity a currency. Don’t like yourself? You can change anything you want about yourself, for a price, and for some it’s the price of likes or followers. Don’t like others? Don’t worry, you can hate everyone else and still have a huge ego, just like our president. It’s funny because the times I feel myself most honestly connected to others is when I’m being my imperfect self. Yet, I go to social media to try to feel connected, why? The real question I’m afraid to ask: Can I be happy if I’m not perfect or have a perfect life? To be honest, I’m not sure the answer which terrifies me. Will I always be grasping for something more and something that is so unrealistic, something that’s perfect? And how will I know if I actually obtain it? However, it seems like the most vulnerable thing that we can do is to live imperfectly. The more we are willing to be vulnerable, the more we build connections with others, and isn’t that where truly happiness lies? So, I guess this is my challenge to all of my fellow perfectionists out there: Live imperfectly as best as you can so that you can start letting your true self be seen and you can finally feel like you truly belong. Because SHOCKER you do. You belong. Find your folx. Be honest with them and yourself about who you are, then you’ll have your happy imperfect life.
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Brad Krause
For most of us, happiness means feeling good, having a positive self-image, and succeeding in our personal and professional lives. Without good mental health, however, those are difficult to achieve. Mental health determines how you think, feel, deal with stress, and interact with others every day. It’s a definite health priority, but maintaining good mental health requires mindfulness and a determination to address your need for self-care, no matter how busy you are. Stay Connected We all need to feel that we belong, that we’re liked and that the people we care about actually value our friendship. So, take good care of your relationships — stay connected with friends, be supportive of others in your social circle, and show an active interest in your friends’ interests. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to celebrate a friend’s good fortune or to show support when things don’t go well for them. Sometimes, just lending a sympathetic ear is enough. Being part of a strong emotional support group requires a sincere willingness to be helpful, but the long-term mental health benefits to you are well worth the effort. Relaxation Regimen Everyone needs to relax during the course of a hectic week. You can’t ignore the need to unwind if you’re to maintain good mental health, so set aside time for activities that give you joy. Emphasize simple practices that don’t require a heavy financial or time investment. Meditation, a massage, a hot shower or an hour of yoga will help you work off stress. You don’t need a gym membership or pricey workout equipment to achieve good mental and physical health. Better Sleep Through Technology Sleep is crucial for your mental well-being. Getting at least seven hours of sleep a night has a direct bearing on your mood and ability to focus at work. If you struggle getting enough sleep, technology can provide an affordable solution. Sleep buds and white noise machines are effective aids that fit nicely within your budget, especially if you take advantage of discounts and savings such as using a BestBuy promo code when shopping online. Good Hygiene Science has discovered a close connection between hygiene and overall health. Practicing good hygiene is inexpensive, helps prevent illness, and benefits you socially, professionally and psychologically. It’s a simple proposition: If you look good, chances are you’ll feel good too, so pay attention to your appearance every day. Be sure to see a dentist for regular cleaning, which will help you avoid expensive dental work later on. Exercise Regularly Exercise is one of the best ways to practice self-care. Physical activity gets the blood pumping, engages the mind, and activates endorphins in the brain, which boosts your mood. If you’re watching your money, exercise can provide an inexpensive means of reducing stress and staying fit. Exercise serves multiple purposes: It alleviates stress, strengthens the muscles, and keeps the cardiovascular system in good condition. Exercise not only improves your mental outlook, but it’s also self-empowering and gives you a sense of control over your well-being. Healthy Eating Emphasize healthy eating at home with foods and ingredients from each of the basic food groups, especially vegetables, fruits, and whole grains. Cooking healthy meals will help you save money by not eating out, and you’ll feel good about your appearance. It’s a great way to manage your weight and avoid the expense of medical care for problems like diabetes and obesity, which often result from an indifferent and unhealthy diet. Poor mental health can be very costly. Counseling and the effects of depression on your mental condition can place a definite strain on your budget. Practicing simple, inexpensive self-care habits will help you maintain a positive mental outlook and a healthy lifestyle. Skylar Butenhoff
With finals approaching, it's easy to let stress get the best of us. Here are some tips to avoid throwing your mental health on the back burner. - Set *realistic* goals, and write them down: This allows you to become more motivated in order to cross things off your list, leaving you with the feeling of accomplishment. -Study groups: Find yourself getting distracted by your phone while studying and then becoming disappointed in how much you didn't get done? Find a few buddies or a group of people in the same class who will study with you. You're less likely to be on your phone while actively studying with others, allowing you to get the most out of your designated 'study time.' -Do NOT work in bed: Although it might be convenient and comfortable, separate your work and sleep space. Your brain ties emotions to places, so if you're stressed while working on homework in bed, you may not be able to get sleep later when you need to. -Take advantage of campus programs: UW-Madison offers a variety of different programs through UHS and other facilities, take advantage of them! -Keep in touch with family and friends: Things will change both at home and in your school life, so take time to be involved in the lives of the people you care about. This will not only give you a healthy distraction from studying, but it will make your parents happy too(; -Don't be afraid to ask for help: Do this from the start. As soon as you don't understand a topic in the course, go to office hours. Do NOT wait until the night before the test to email your TA or professor at 9:30 pm because they most likely won't respond. -Don't be afraid to ask for help pt. 2: There are many people on campus who struggle with mental health, so do not feel embarrassed or ashamed to reach out to someone, UHS, professors, friends, for help. Mental illness is a treatable problem, but only if you address it first. -Realize you can't do everything: Class, work, studying, clubs, etc. all take A LOT of time, but the reality of it all is that sooner or later your body will get run down, as you will most likely sacrifice sleep in order to get more things done. Focus your time doing the things that need to get done (school work) or the things you genuinely love and forget the rest! Being a college student, I think we can all relate to having hectic schedules that make it difficult to follow through with healthy habits like exercise and eating right. I am now in my third semester of college and am still figuring out how to balance self-care and academics which has been more difficult than I imagined. This semester has been the first semester that I have regularly exercised when I am stressed and have been more mindful of what I put into my body. The impact on my happiness and positive self-image have been huge! Rather than turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, I instead go for a run when I feel overwhelmed which always makes me feel so much better and gives me more energy throughout the day. Finding an exercise you genuinely enjoy such as biking around the lake, yoga or doing cardio at the gym is necessary because if you don’t enjoy doing it, it may cause more negative feelings. It’s also important to be forgiving towards yourself when it comes to exercise! Having the correct mindset of exercising in order to feel healthy and letting yourself know that it’s okay if you have an off week helps cultivate positive emotions towards working out thus making it more enjoyable. It’s easy to grab something unhealthy and fast when we are always in a hurry but changing your diet to be more nutritionally balanced will have a huge impact on maintaining a positive self-image and providing you with more energy! From my experience as an undergraduate, exercise and eating well have had a huge impact on my attitude and energy levels. Being forgiving towards myself and framing these habits in a healthy way has positively impacted my academics and my life in general and I hope my insight allows for others to do the same.
Transitioning to college is a scary time with a lot of changes. Although a lot of great things happen, it can also be really overwhelming. I remember not even considering how difficult it could be. I was just so excited for all the new things I could experience and people I could meet. At various times throughout freshman year I would go through phases of times where I was really content, but then something would happen and I wouldn’t know how to get help. I didn’t know how to deal with the exponentially growing feeling of stress or who to turn to. Although I met a lot of great people, at times I felt like I didn’t have any genuine close connections. As the year went on, and I got more involved in clubs and activities, I started to feel like I more so have found my place. Now that I have been in college longer, I realize that it is important to not only try to put yourself out there in situations, but also understand that it is okay to have your bad days. Despite having to juggle a lot more things than you ever will have previously, just remember that there will be ups and downs. I understand how easy it is to feel irrelevant in such a large campus, but just try and find your niche or place to call your own. Whether that be a club like NAMI, or a park bench in the botanical garden near the chemistry building. All in all just know times will be hard, but you must just find things that make you happy!
In my experience, the stigma surrounding mental health issues is more silent than loud. It appears during subtle moments like disregarding one’s own pain, making jokes about certain disorders, and denying people validation for their feelings. I feel the root of the problem is that there is a legitimate lack of knowledge or awareness regarding the suffering associated with mental illness. That explanation feels almost like a cop-out, but it would be unfair to assume every individual that contributes to stigma has a vindictive motivation behind it; sometimes the reaction to people’s behavior is beyond what they imagined and intended. It’s more important, then, to continue widespread campaigns of normalizing mental health to eradicate that excuse. To contribute to that mission in my own way, I’d like to share how I view mental health. I think of mental health as resilience-- the quality of recovering successfully and quickly, and returning to a well-adjusted state after sustaining stress. Being well-adjusted, to me, means contentment in the face of everyday stressors. One of my favorite ways to conceptualize mental health is as an analogue to physical health; mental health means withstanding the invasion of infections (stressors) before they manifest as illness. People are born with different vulnerabilities to certain mental ailments just as they are for physical ones. As well, there are illnesses in both domains one would not want to let “run its course”-- like cancer, a broken bone, major depressive disorder, personality disorders, etc. So, this necessitates a more in-depth focus on mental health since it, arguably, presents the same risks to health as physical health. This can't happen if people's fear of being judged outweighs their desire to get healthier. Overall, I think the battle to eliminate stigma is a battle fought by individuals on a day to day basis. Catch people making mistakes and correct them, nicely. Be mindful of yourself and how you treat yourself. Believe and validate friends when they share difficult feelings with you. Ask for help. Promote asking for help. Share your own conceptualization of mental health with as many people as you can. Just don’t let the conversation die down. I know I won’t.
This year has been the start of my journey with mental health issues. During high school, people would talk about how they had stress and test anxiety, and I would feel the need to agree with them. Stress and anxiety was part of the high school experience so it almost felt like I was out of the loop if I didn't agree. Looking back on it now, I don't think I really felt stress back then, or at least not like I do now. The end of senior year marked an important moment for me. The first time I physically felt my fear of failure in my body or at least that's what I thought it was. My chest felt like I had just had my heart broken and I couldn't stop crying. I came to the realization that it wasn't the test scores or GPAs that upset me, rather the possibility that others might question my intelligence. As an insecure child, my intelligence was the one area where I felt confident and my strength. It makes sense that this would also be an area of vulnerability. This situation that I will describe will sound simple and almost like it doesn't matter, but it is the primary reason for my mental health issue so I suggest keeping an open mind before you continue reading. If I managed to get an A in just one of my classes (the rest I knew for sure), then I would successfully get above a 4.0 GPA and receive a gold stole. If I got an A-, I would be at a 3.999 and I would receive a silver stole. That night that grades were finalized I found out, after calculating GPAs, that I would be receiving silver. This was because I made a simple mistake and missed one online assignment that was not worth very much. That was the night. I was so afraid that the physical display of a silver stole would show my lack of intelligence and reveal something to my peers; "she's not as smart as she seem..." This situation was resolved only because my teacher accepted the late assignment two weeks later, so I did not have to think about that again for awhile. The night before my freshman chemistry exam, I remembered that moment during senior year and the horrible weight in my chest accompanied by the impending feeling of doom. I did not sleep until 4am. The next morning I was upset at my roommates for disturbing my sleep. I came back after my 8am class to try to sleep before the exam at 12. I still could not sleep. I took the exam, failed and ultimately did not care. The mature student in me recognized that I would be able to improve, and that I did. After the exam, I was much more emotionally upset about my lack of sleep than I was about my failure. The week after that I got progressively more upset at my roommates and the little noises they were making at night or day. I blamed them for my lack of sleep and failed to recognize the obvious connection to my mental health. It was not until my roommate pointed out my constant nitpicking that I recognized this. At this point in my life, I can say that I am not a stranger to mental health issues. I've done extensive advocacy work on removing the stigma against mental health issues, especially in communities of color. Somehow, I was blind to my own issues. Somehow, in the midst of all of this knowledge on these issues, I could not see the simple truth before me. What's even more interesting is that I was always internally overconfident while I was doing advocacy work. "This would never happen to me, because I'd be able to recognize my own issues right away". "I wouldn't put off seeing a doctor or talking to someone". These thoughts all had one consistent theme: I am above this. I am here to inform you that NO ONE is above mental health issues. Our natural human inability to pay attention to all aspects of our life and our health prevents us from being able to see ourselves from an unbiased perspective. The only way to immediately recognize these issues is to reflect on ourselves. However it takes a certain extensive long term and short term reflection to even begin to recognize these issues. Even if a person has the time and the awareness to do all of this work to "stay ahead of the game", their natural socialized reaction to the possibility that they even have an issue may be denial. This was exactly what happened to me. I think some deep part of me understood and knew what was going on but it was almost too scary to bring to conscious thought. I can assure anyone reading this that the moment you consciously recognize what's happening, you can begin to clear your mind and look for help. Not knowing or not being aware feels like limbo. That moment when I realized and accepted that something deeper was going on, I felt liberated. I would recommend sitting down, just once a month and reflecting on any emotional imbalances that have occurred. Question yourself about the cause. Try to figure out exactly where it started. Then examine all of the different ways it has impacted your life. I think that doing this exercise too often may cause you to lose the understanding of long term effects, but not doing it often enough would cause you to fail to remember the important events. Find the time that works best for you. Good luck, be safe, and remember that NAMI is always here if you need anything.
My experiences with anxiety and depression began around the age of fifteen. There were multiple factors that I feel contributed to my mental illnesses, but I will be talking about one major one. My overall advice for anyone reading, or those who also struggle with similar issues, is to do what is best for you, not what you feel others think is best for you. Ever since the age of three, dance had been a huge part of my life. My sophomore year of high school I made our school's varsity dance team. This is where dance changed from something that lifted me up and boosted my spirits to something that caused great insecurity and self doubt. I was a weak link on my team and personally targeted by my dance coach. She criticized me, not just as a dancer but as a person. I dreading going to practice every single day, wishing the school day wouldn't end. I would walk into the gym shaking, often with tears in my eyes. I saw myself as a complete failure because I wasn't able to perform the way that was expected of me. It was about half way through the six month season when I decided I would finish out that year, but not return to the team afterwards. Many people encouraged me to stay on the team, saying I had improved and the next year would be better. But, keeping my best interest in mind, I felt the team had become an extremely toxic place for me that hurt my mental state severely. I made a point to do what was going to be best for myself, and not others. This was hard as I felt I was letting those around me down, being that I always want to please others. Looking back this was a great decision as I removed an extremely negative aspect from my life. From this I was able to make more time for the things that lifted me, such as friends, family, music, and church. I dealt with a great amount of shame for leaving the team but I couldn't continue dealing with the toxicity. I don't say this to put down sports teams or to encourage those to give up on things that are tough. But, if there is an aspect of your life that is bringing you down, not lifting you up, do what you feel is best for yourself. Take away others' opinions, judgements and thoughts, and focus on your own.
Like many people, transitioning into college wasn’t easy for me. After the first semester, I was noticeably different and would sleep my days away while not allowing time to take care of myself. Although I knew something was wrong, being diagnosed with depression finally put me at ease because I was hopeful a solution could be quickly implemented. A psychiatrist prescribed me escitalopram, an SSRI category antidepressant which did help get rid of many of my symptoms. Overtime, the medicine became less effective for me and I became too tired to be able to go to my classes. My friend recommended that I try cannabidiol (CBD) oil after she felt a surge of benefits in her everyday life. Skeptical of its legitimacy, I decided to give it a try myself and could not have been happier with the results. CBD doesn’t create a “high” effect like many believe but instead gets rid of negative feelings related to anxiety and depression. Other examples of how it can be used include to combat epilepsy and neurodegenerative disorders and for pain relief. Within my first use I already noticed my mood become more elevated, feeling of anxiety diminish and I felt more awake which was a huge bonus for me. I continue to use it every day and am astonished by great of a fit this is for regulating my mental health. Everyone’s mental health journey is unique to them and there is no “one glove fits all” solution. This is why I believe trying different things or making changes to your lifestyle can have a much larger impact than you would expect on everyday life. If you are struggling with mild anxiety or depression, I highly recommend giving CBD oil a shot and you may be pleasantly surprised by the result!
I didn’t fully realize how the people I surround myself would affect my mental health, general well-being, and self-perception until my second year of college at UW – Madison. I didn’t realize how much I had been dragged down by the people I surrounded myself with until I was around people who genuinely love and support me. In previous years, I was friends with extremely toxic people. They were extremely exclusive, unwelcoming, and judgmental. But in my small Minnesotan hometown, that’s how most people acted so it seemed normal. I always felt like my heart was out of place, like I had been raised differently than my so-called friends at the time. My senior year was the worst of them all. I stopped speaking with my “friends” and stayed home every night. I began self-harming and cried almost every day. I was extremely unhappy. My parents forced me to begin therapy and I was soon put on medication for anxiety and depression (which I am now extremely grateful for). The medication calmed my mind and helped me realize how terribly my friends were treating me, helped me stand up to them, and helped me make a change. I went out on my own and started with a clean slate my freshman year at college. I found my real friends at college. These people that I have met have hearts like mine, they are genuine, they are kind, and they care. They care about me more than I could ever have imagined and more than I deserve sometimes. I also became very close with my parents when I went away to college and my new chemically-balanced brain allowed me to see how much they genuinely cared about me as well. Here and now, I am now happy, content, and I love myself and those around me. I owe this to the company I now keep very close to my heart: my friends and family. Note: Although the struggle of mental illness is not completely caused by the company you keep, the people you choose to be around still do play a large role in your happiness.
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December 2019
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